Another week flew by

Yet another week flew by just like that!

To those people in Melbourne, that's the end of holiday for you!4 weeks into SWOT Vac yea...n then the year will end!Just how fast life is moving on?

Well, for me,it's the same old routine,going to the lab and clinics without doing much.The only difference was probably the social aspect.Start seeing and getting to know more people of the same origin and of different origins too.Playing basketball as usual,realising that all my efforts practising by myself was not in vain but was neither enough to do well, as one would expect.But things can only get better huh?Dunno.Wish I was just like those high school kids in the animes where I get to attend club practices every day after school.How tough but how good would my skills be then if I'd be able to persevere through it!

















In a weeks time,I've managed to finish 2 seasons of Prince of Tennis Anime, but there's 5 more seasons to go...woahah....but its because Youtube is damn slow...loading a video sometimes takes up too much time than watching it...so troublesome...but its worth watching though!

My family will also be visitng me soon so i guess I'll be taking a short break real soon.We are actually going to Czech real soon so yay!Add 1 more country to my Eurotrip list!And there's more to come!Although previously, I'm ambitiously trying to cover as many country as possible but realy whats the point if you are not enjoying it?

If one tries to do too much, one would be diverting his already limited attention or concentration.Eventually we ar the ones causing our own downfall if we are too greedy.That's what I though through and I've decided not to push myself too hard.Well, this year is supposed to be a honeymoon year afterall.So I should try to get as much rest as possible while rediscovering myself and realising the essence of life and what exactly I need to focus more.
Thus, for teh time being,I'll not be touching badminton for a while.

I'm also going to start my Japanese class soon. Though it means more work for me but I guess its better than wasting time endlessly.I'll actually be startign from scratch since my current Jap knowledge is quite patchy and I've forgotten most of what Satomi sensei has taught me.So I guess strating to rebuild my foundation from scratch will make my basic stronger.80 hours of Jap class ahead in the next 6 months...this is gona be interesting!Hope it'll be good enough to survive in Japan if I really wanna go there next year!

Another week flew by, like the wind breeze blow past, you can't see it, but you can feel it......

Week 11 in summary halfway thru the semester

1.11am in the morning,Sunday 24th of Sept 2006,still awake,in front of the com screen typing out watever random stuff I felt like typing again.Yes i know that alot of ppl actualy abuse their blogs expressing their anguish and frustrations and I myslef am no exception,haha, wat a world this is.

Well, today my intrnet suddenly went off in the afternoon and I practically had nothing to do, so I went to play basketball again for abt 2 hours...am still thinkin of which basketball club I should be joining....quite a hard decision if u ask me...should I even be joining it in the 1st place?

My fren reminded me,to try and concentrate and do 1 sport at a time, its very true of him.I reckon I'm a person whois very good at giving up ever since i was small.I've tried so many things b4 but I never master even a single one of them, namely, swimming, basketball, bowling, tennis, badminton, ping pong, calligraphy,art, guitar and so much more.And i always blame my parents for not givin me the chance to learn music instruments,if not my life now would hav been much better. That might be partially true due to my lack of talent and coordination even though I "suposedly should" have the genes but yea when u dun reach a certain level in a define time u sure get discouraged and here I am today still derectionless and still givin up so easily cos i dun think its fair for some if not most ppl who dvlp their skills so much more faster than I with the same amount of time,but yea,the world is not fair and it aint the 1st day that i know this fact but i still repeat my mistakes, i truly know there's only 1 way to stop this vicious cycle thats is only my sheer determination and nothing else but to get that determination is not easy.

Anyway,I think I'll be signing up for Jap classes in uni afterall.It'll b a 4 hour class per wk and hopefully that's a decent preparation for me to goto jap nex yer if all goes smooth.Initially goin to class is an issue bcos i really wanted to get a part time permanently....but seems taht most of my applications,enquiries and interviews din go as smooth as i planned...well at least the outcomes were negative...except becoming an exam invigilator which will take up my normal research hours so i decided that if i cant get the starbucks job i'll completely stop lookin for new jobs.I think it's better to use it to dvlp my basketball skills and spend more time on language...afterall i dun wan my ams yer to be too hectic.

This week, one of my fren in the lab turned 30.So wish her happy B'day!!!And thanks for the dinner.Speaking of which, it was one of the weirdest dinners i've ever had.Well, weird in a sense that i din feel very comfortable.Why?Cos i'm the only asian there,and apart from another fren's neice,i'm pretty sure the others were in the range of 25-35 of age. Also, there's like a Brazilian, 2 Czechslovakians (or watever u call them), 2 english (I beliv) and the others are all italianos.I felt so out of place and very hard to mix into the corwd though during the meal i somehow manage to talk to some of her frens since there was some common topics...but that requires them to hav some knowledge of asian culture and religions plus their willingness to listen to me speaking.But thru all this,i realised how lacking i am in terms of my social skills and knowledge.I guess the more u dun go out and talk to other ppl or get exposure the more u'll b left out and feel useless cos everyone is movin forward while u still stand there or merely walking.Sometimes i blame the environment(which is justifiable) but partly its bcos my myself.So I took the effort the nex day to talk to an Italian chic while walkin to the city and later talked to another american girl who was competing with me for a job position and even treated her bubble tea but haha deep down i know i'm gona loose the job opp bcos her n in fact i did....yes i did talk to them but i know that probably is the last time ever i'll ever even c them again...i wish i was better at expressing myself but i suppose there r juz things that u cant change...at least not easy.

To be honest,I dun really like weekends nowdays.It 's good to b able to get some rest but its boring as ever.Mayb its bcos i cant find the right person to connect to,to hang out with and to hav fun together.I really hate weekends,n nobody seems to understand that...perhaps yea like some guy said this b4...if one is able to survive thru solitude then one will gain the strength to bcome stronger huh...perhaps thats true but juz the process itself is killing u huh.I did a personality test n its really quite accurate...n the prob with me is bcos i lack the ability to finely express myself or charm thats why i'm juz an ordinary nice guy who can hav many frens but no soul mates.Yea and i'm glad that at least thur these yers in melb i was glad that i found a few of them who supprted me thru thick n thin.Domo arigato.

Leavin aus n comin to uk is my decision as i've sacrificed alot along the way and would probably hav sacrificed more if i din come,thats wat i tot. It's a yer of reflection and it made me realise alot of things that i long forgotten in the yers that hav passed by.Yes i am pathetic and if god exist ,he/she hasnt treated me that nicely all this while....but to me...it doesnt matter to me anymore...i'm juz tired n sick of it for the time being....cos whenever i found courage n reason...obstacles come n knock me down hard...as if they enjoy watching u fall n fall again...but yea life is not easy afterall...its a journey rite....there'sno destination...they r merely stops in between.

I dun expect anyone to comprehend wat i'm blabbing, in fact i dun expect anyone to read my blig these days since its been clouded by such -ve auras. But i'd juz like to say this to whoever it is, if u enjoy watchin me fall, if u r gona bring me down then giv it a try! Bring it on!
One day,eventually, i'll b regaining my composure and come bck,juz like how i used to be!

"That's why I'm here.I am everyone else ...too." (HNG ch 189)

Perhaps a bit different.



P.S.
For those lucky buggers in melb, happy hols,enjoy ur trip whever it may b or enjoy rotting at home.Man, 11wks down, 27 more to go huh.

A Walk to Remember!

This is my 10th post!Hurray!

Anyway, I was supposed to write smth on this title a few weeks back when I still had the exact emotion to write it...it's a bit late but I'll write it anyway.

Basically I was bored so I was on a movie marathon for the weekend...watchin movies that I haven't watch while I was a teenager(btw,Mandy's my age)...so I guess I really missed out alot of stuff while I was in high school after my sister left...so here at last I'm watchin this movie.

What do I think abt it?Yes, life is FCUKed up...things dun go smooth...reality is harsh...n obviously it's hard to push thru and survive in the way u wan to live ur life.

In an ideal world,everyone wants a wonderful life, they want the love of their life,they want to b cherished,respected,attractive,talented,rich(for some ppl...i think no one minds to hav some extra money rite?)good lookin,smart...u name it ...u got it....but unfortunately an ideal world never existed...I supposed the most gifted person has things that he/she has to sturggle to obtain wat they wan....but sometimes juz bcos they r more gifted...they tend to ask for more cos they think they deserve it....for ppl who r lesser they might ask for less but they would still be "deprived" of certain things that they wan in life...Life is unfair afterall isnt it?SO is there really GOD in this world...this I can't answer u!

In a walk to remember,Mandy Moore plays a "Geeeky" gal whois supposedly quite gifted...well she performs academically...sings well (duh) and quite pretty if she actually dresses up properly instead of waering that aunty style sweater!

But u know wat,she has leukemia,which is cancer of the white blood cell when she's a teen and her mum's dead...treatment doesnt work for her anymore...but she still fights for her life...well as in she still lives a purposeful life helpin other ppl etc...worst of all...she was deeply in love knowing that she has a deadly disease.

Her bf who was a delinquent/but one of the cool guys around high school...u know they like to play this kinda popularity issue stuff in US high school...changed alot due to her influence...endured thur hardship for the betterment...knowing that his gf has a deadly disease is seriouslu heartbreaking but the only thing he could do is to make her wish come true, make her a miracle.Glancing in the air with shooting stars, he proposed and they got married even if it was only for a few months b4 she passed away.He loved her,she loved him as much too.

Miracles exist sometimes,but sometimes u create the miracles with ur bare hand.I always think that if there exist GOD and refuses to help u...u somehow gota help urself...this is wat i truly believe in ...but sometimes the environment n "fate" doesnt allow it!I mean it!They get in ur way.Giv u a good yet stupid example...half the time when i'm resolved to do some changes when I feel good..somehow I'll get stomach ache...bloody hell man!!!As if it's done o purpose!Like I deserved to b a loser all the time.Whenever I'm abt to improve somehow smth gona come block my way.Isit very fun to c me suffer?Isit so fun to watch other ppl's downfall.Yea mayb its juz to test ur strength n make u stronger but hey giv me some credit ok...its not fun to get rejected everytime...like whenever u try to shoot a ball,u get blocked shot by other players or mayb a foul call from the referee n therefore the basket that u scored was not counted,man it juz pisses ppl off u know!

Life is an endless road...sometimes with no goal...its a lifelong commitment and therefore the winners are ppl who are talented or ppl who persevere until the very end.Obviously the former is easier cos everythin is already given to them,like spoon feed.But even if u r the latter i think u need a goal to move forward to.Once upon a time I used to have that kind of quality and determination due to the motivation I posses.But times change and the world hasnt been exactly kind to me...or mayb its juz me givin up too easily.

In the last few days I was thinkin back the time in 1995/1996 the times where my alot of my memories reside, things that could be done and things that could have been better along the way...but life has its imperfction afterall.

I also believe that its better to start to have a new beggining from now to have the kinda ending that u wan...but sometimes its juz hard to do when u lack of support afterall one human soul aint strong enuf,thats why ppl cluster together, thats why ppl need to hav a motivation in mind,smth to focus on..a talent or skill to dvlp on or devotion or belief.And I guess for Mandy,religion was the thing that pushed her forward regardless of how gloomy her situation was.

I suppose in real life ppl like that actually exist too,and stories like that do exist...there r always nice ppl around though its so much less compared to crap ppl but thats juz how this world...obviously some of us never get to meet the nice ppl that we yearn to meet somewhere in this world n thats why there's so many shows outside,so many animes,novels portraying the ideal world which ppl look forward to but will never ever get in their life!

Do miracles exist in life?Yes they do but its very rare.And its even harder to create them with ur bare hands.And obviously u cant create any if u clearly know that u r not in the best condition to create that.

Everyday i picture myself walking down this endless road called life,hoping that I see a familiar shadow in front that motivates me to run forward, to run towards the goal, at least u hav smth to hope for.

In this game called life,only the best of the best wins.Sure u need luck to hit the buzzer beater or mayb the opponents havin a bad day...or u got skills go team chemistry....someones shooting is on fire etc...multiple factors.But clearly not everyone can be a winner.And even if u win the game...u might start to think...so wats next?

"Perfection is achieved not when there's nothing to add, but when there's nothing to be removed"How true is that?It's bcos u r partially ignoring some aspects which u could hav added,aint that rite?

Perfection is almost non existent in this world!!!

Man i guess I went off topic,haha dunno wat i'm talkin abt now,that probably explains the flow of my thoughts at the moment,HAYWIRE!!!

10 things to do before AMS ends

Recently I've really been bothered and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things that I have to do and accomplish. Well to be precise, it's doing things that I "force" myself to achieve at least by the end of AMS in May next year...seriously I'm lookin for trouble, ain't I?

1)RESEARCH-well, that's why I'm here in the 1st place n it'd b foolish if I dun concentrate on it.But there's so little that u can do in the initial stage and ppl often hav to rush to meet deadlines at the end...sadly thats juz how things work...wondering how things would b if i plan to end it early...n shit, i havent even had proper research methods training on statistics yet....dang!Hav to read up those biostats book by myself...this is bad...if i dun fix this soon...its really meaningless to read journals and do lit reviews cos i dunno wat the articles r talkin abt...oh man.....

2)PART TIME JOB-I'm really pissed off lately with this issue...although i hav a casual job as an interpreter,its too tiring since i spent half the time travellin to the hospital n in the end i get paid for only 1.5 hour...n sometimes i dun even get any shifts at all for the whole week...wat i earn in a month is probably wat other ppl earn in a wk plus it takes up my research time randomly,how inconvenient...wanted to look for smth in the weekend...stupid sushi shop accepted me n suddenly "release aeroplane"....stupid office work for not callin me up for interview yet...n starbucks, I'm still waitin for ur call n givin me the right shift!!!...n stupid Bar,for not acceptin honest ppl like me who doesn't hav much experience in operating cash machine...but at least I'm tellin u the truth ok?

3)MEDICINE-Well I had this plan of revising wat I hav learnt in the past 2.5 years in med school(stuff that i hav 4goten)but I only had the patience to read half a book on respiratory medicine...if i go with my initial plannin i should hav finish 3 modules by now...well some might say why bother study med again since u'll 4get it n u know it takes up alot of time...but honestly i dun wana feel stupid for not understanding n remembering the basics...i'll juz embarass myself in clinical school n in the clinics that i'm attending now every wk(when i can't answer wat the professor asks me abt)

4)TRAVEL-That's supposedly the main reason I came to UK, for FUN!!!But travellin is always tiring...but i've finishd 3 countries so there's at least 7-9 more to go...muz really arrange my time wisely...it's juz not nice to ask my prof for leave so often,geez....plus the seasons gettin cold now...not the best time to go travellin!Make it worse if i hav other commitment like part time job!

5)SPORTS-Well been trying reall hard to go play basketball everywk,but unlike u Kee Hong, I dun hav access to b'ball court right in front of me like in IH,its 5-10 min away, a childrens outdoor playgorund n its on tars....n its only open on wkdays n available to the public after 5.30pm plus they hav to lock it...the guy said i can climb in n play in wkends since its not open but apparently there was an arson on one of the sundays which they burn down the building...hmmm guess i dun really wana climb the wall n get caught...also its really hard to keep up with the 3 pool games/per day...when I get busy i juz get lazyyyyy

6)LANGUAGE-Well, been tryin desperately to learn jap in the last 2 yers for no reason...for the sake of watchin anime n readin manga understanding jap songs etc. also in preparaion for my jap visit,hopefully sometime b4 i graduate,r those reasons good enuf?i duno cos u know u need lotsa effort to properly learn a language n maintain it,if not it'd go to waste....also it would not only compromise my travel timing since there's class every wk but also there r final exam etc...geez...should I?n for wat?

7)FOCUS-Hmm this should really b at the top of the list...anyways realise the reason i've been performin poorly these yers due to my lack of concentration...i get easily distracted ....day dream in class....sleep in the clinics n lectures....take 3 hours to read a freakin article....man i should really find a way to regain my concentratio but how?

8)RELIGION-well thats sorta answers part of the question above...was considering if meditation would help me do better,like calmin my mind etc. i'm lazy bum who claims to b a half buddhist n half free thinker so i find it so difficult to convince myself to goto temple here...well even when i get there i din really do much...there wasnt much to do anyway, i think

9)ENTERTAINMENT-well wanted to watch musicals/theatres but trying to look for ppl who wana watch n plannin on wat to watch...cos it aint cheap...also...wana finish heaps to tv series...there's juz too many in the list...HOUSE,Gray's anatomy,prison break,OC,one tree hill etc...n of course my wkly dying crave for BLEACH n NARUTO manga....

10)SOCIAL-well this has been quite a prob really considering that in the last 2 months it was summer hols n the residence halls is practically empty apart from a few "old" research students(except me)...well hope things get better since more n more ppl r comin back but really the UK halls hav less frenlu environment compared to Aus...i mean everythin is so segragated unless u really put in lotsa effort,no guarantee that it would help but yea at least u try...geez...been tryin to extend social network n try to find ppl who wana play basketball together etc etc. guess it's not so easy huh since most ppl here r in their 4th of 5th yer at least...its juz like the situation in IH where the seniors dun exactly need to know freshers since they already hav their own click anyway...


Hmmmm seeem like there r juz too many agendas ahead....man i sure hope things settle down real soon...sun wana walk around for 3 hours lookin for job again or wait for 2 wks for ppl to caall u up for interview...its so hard to focus n do things cos everythin is so uncertain...its even harder when i'm not exactly in the best mental state to fully focus on wat i need to do...everythin is too scattered...plus i'm the kinda person who gives up easily...well at least in my current state...sighz ...wat to do...