Feels like Forever

Cough Cough....still haven't fully recovered from my flu yet...and there's less than 2 weeks more to go before I head off to Scandinavia for my winter trip.It's already snowing there,so it'd be freaking cold when I get there.

People ask me,why u'd go there when its so cold.Well,the reason I gave them was that I wanted to have a white Christmas.To witness the mighty Fjords covered with snow,the phenoenal Aurora Borealis, visit the Ice hotel,being NAKED in a public pool and many more excitements that awaits!Wahah, can't wait to get there.Well,that's if all go according to planning,fingers crossed.

Oh and for u guys who dunno wat Aurora Borealis is,have a look:




This semester has been long and it's not finished yet!!Man,how many weeks has it been since I left Melbourne??Though there's no exam this semester and I kinda can "ponteng" occasionally to go for trips or just simply resting at home, this semester feels like forever.......From Early July till now,man this is surely the unbeatable longest semester ever.

I really feel tired all this while.Life has not been that enjoyable after I turned 21st,though I was hoping that it'd be the time of my life,but everything just seems to be going down hill.Was I expecting too much or was I simply overdepressed?I really dunno.At times I feel good and I was the one encouraging people.But at times I just feel like shitzz.I guess it's not fun when u come to a place not knowing enuf ppl or not knowing ppl well enuf.And coming to a place where everything is so unfamiliar,it sure feels weird but then slowly u break down the barriers and that's about time u leave this country.That's the feeling I get.There are too many things to do here in London cos its the capital of a nation, and the gateway to Europe.There should be alot of fun things to do.But I guess the saddest part about this is there's no one here for me to share those great things with.Somehow,even if I' doing something interesting, I don't enjoy them anymore.It feels more like I'm doing it for the sake of doing it.Guh...how boring......zzzzzzz


Gotta rest gotta recover,that's what I told myself.Cos if I dun recover by next year...I'm gona screw up in clinical school and that's surely gonna destroy my medical career.So by all means I need to recover for sure this time.

Motivation motivation....something which I possessed in the past is now no longer with me.Been desperately trying to find it but in vain.Lady Luck has also Abandoned me along with many others...this is really going no where.

Then was watching J-drama the other day."1 Litre of Tears"


Pretty huh?Well it's a show after all.

There are some similarities to "A Walk to Remember" but alot different.It's an actual story of a girl who has a severe neurological disorder at the Best time of her Life, High School.A time when one shines radiantly, illuminating their light , shining their presence to the people surrounding them.Undoubtedly the pinnacle of ones life.

I didn't really cry for the show juz bcos I'm a medic and I'm kinda used to this sorta stuff.But if u think it from ur own perspective,it'll b different.Come on,I'm even complaining like an uncle even if I'm just coughing or getting minor injuries from a game or simply getting frustrated or depressed over small failures in life.

I guess I really deserve to continue getting those failures with my current attitude.I don't know how to appreciate simple stuffs.Being alive is perhaps the most wonderful thing for a human.Why are we so greedy and force to get more out of life.We should take things step by step.Why do always yearn for smth more and not appreciating things that have been lost?Even simple things like being able to run...u wont realize thats a precious thing until u injure urself and can't run anymore.Isn't that right?

I'm not sure how my future lies,but who I am today is merely what I've done prior this,and no more than that.You are your lifes own architect,thats what one of my fren believed.

As for Lady luck...Being Lucky also means that being able to create that luck,that oppurtunity for urself....that's called truly lucky.

Been trying to get a grip of myself once again and for eternity.I hope one day I can find the self that I've been looking so hard for.

I guess it's ok to fall as long as I climb back again,afterall I still have the ability and strength to do that.

Right now,the only thing to do is to start...to start appreciating little things in life that I have...start trying abit harder in whatever I do without rushing for results,taking things step by step...start keeping my head up and walk forward instead of looking n the ground.

I am but only human.That's all I am, and that's all I'll be,at least for this life.

May there be a day where the sun shines brightly in the azure blue sky.May there be a day when everyone finds their happiness.Because only darkness can show us a stronger light and we sunlight is always at its best after a rain.Just like after winter,there's Spring!



P.S.

I'd like to apologize for misusing my blog all this while to vent my angers and frustrations. I'd also like to thank those who have given me words of wisdoms and courage all this while.May the misery be buried deep in the ground and never surface again.I'll be on holiday soon, so this blog will go into Deep sleep mode until "Spring " comes!Wish u a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone!

Weakling

"When a weakling enters an enemy's territory,it's called suicide"(Urahara Kisuke)

Indeed that is the reality of this world,where it's suited for the survival of the fittest and only the strongest and adaptable ones will survive.The winners stay and the losers go.If u r weak,u'll get crushed into pieces, as simple as that.

After 1 semester of constant basketball work out, I though I'd have improved,even the slightest bit,which I honestly have,but it simply wasn't enuf.I was the weakest player on court.Got outrebounded a dozen times by a girl, unable to keep up with the offensive player,unable to play like a team with other team members,can't dribble well enuf,poor passes and receives,stagnant ball movements,poor court vision and many things else.
























I got injured too(Well I should have expected that while I start playing right?It's a physical game afterall)I got hit on my head twice,1 of which almost resulted in me fainting.Bit my mouth once,got hit on my previously injured shin again,and last but not least,my lower back's injured too.Dunno how, but I can't even bend my body,I can't even wear trousers while standing.This is really shit!

Perhaps I should really switch games soon.But I really dunno whether it's badminton or tennis or squash.Maybe it doesn't matter at all cos it's true that I have no talent in sports.

Life is unfair sometimes cos u lack the strength of doing smth.But it's even more unfair if u have the will to b determined to overcome that barrier yet things like injury and pain,things which r completely out of ur control comes and haunt u n ripps u off everything which u acquired through hard work,stoppig ur progress and utterly destroys ur hopes.I really dun like u,if u r the one doing that to me.


N stupid internet,so slow!!!

NARUTO fillers ending in Feb 2007

It's true...it better be...unless Kishimoto and the manga is fake...but here it is




There it is,well at least according to the information published along with the newest Naruto Manga chapter in Shonen Jump, the long awiated Naruto Part 2 would commence it February 2007 which means no more fillers!Also, the new PS2 Naruto game is based on Naruto Part2 with anime-like animation,which will be released in Spring 2007(North Hemisphere),further solidifying the the anime release date.Finally,there'll be the 4th Naruto Movie entitled "Naruto: Hurricane Chronicles" which is due for release in Summer 2007.

So yea,that's all for now,and btw,I'm so proud of myself for being 0.5cm taller than post-timeskip Naruto,lolz,pretty lame huh!

Anyways, Ja-ne-ttebayo mina-san!

The Shortest Post

The Best things in life are NOT free!

Be Inspired

Be Inspired

The World on Fire (by Sarah McLachlan)

Hearts are worn in these dark ages
You're not alone in this story's pages
Night has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And I try to hold it in, yeah I try to hold it in

[Chorus]
The world's on fire and
It's more than I can handle
I dive into the water
(I try to pull my ship)
I try to bring more
More than I can handle
(Bring it to the table)
Bring what I am able

I watch the heavens and I find a calling
Something I can do to change this moment
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone

[Chorus]

Hearts break, hearts mend
Love still hurts
Visions clash, planes crash
Still there's talk of
Saving souls, still the cold
Is closing in on us

We part the veil on Archille's sun
Stray from the straight line on this short run
The more we take, the less we become
A fortune of one that means less for some

End of Lyrics



A world that we live in today, plagued with problems.
Humanity is losing its faith. People are suffering,rich or poor.
You see people die and you see people cry. As if it's not
enough. Wars and terror attacks are fearsome and so is
global warming & ozone dpletion. As if it's not enough.
Disasters strike. Hurricane,tsunaami,droughts,floods &
seasonal abnormaility is overwhelming the globe as frequent
as it gets. The earth is dying, the world is crying.Though for
different reasons.

We live in a world of consquences. For what we or our
ancestors do will affect the future generation. What
little can we do to make this world a better place and for
 whats sake?For there will always be people destroying it.
Disrupting peace or causing suffering the world,
intentionally or unintentionally. Also, they'll always be
 unappreciative people. So for what sake and for who's sake.

The world is on fire,it is in dire, partly due to human desire.

The earth is slowly dying,and we hear people crying.

And here we see some people being saviours and yet we
also see people being the culprits.

Humanity has lost faith and just how strong is our power
to negate the negative energy?

We can but do only what we are capable of.Whatever it
is.That's about it.


The earth is "alive", and so are its inhabitants.So be a bit
more responsible as much as possible. That at least is
what an adult is supposed to do, and what children should
learn to do, from my point of view.


Ok,ppl.I dun really know how to upload videos on my blog
but maybe you can goto www.youtube.com and search for
the songs that posted up.If not visit http://www.worldonfire.ca/

And finally,thanks to Jeannie to put that up on MSN.I personally
was very inspired.Alternatively, you can aslo go watch the movie
"An Inconvenient Turth".


"Little by little, you can make a miracle" (Raymond Loh 2005)

To those having exams...and some graduating...

It's the time of the year again when people start getting anxious about exams and how they would cope with it.

With time winding down and work piling up throughout the semester,u start seeing ppl workin hard like little ants,burning midnite oil.It's a time when people stop having fun such as playin games etc(well maybe some of you still do).It's a time when people resort to caffeine.It's a time where u start seeing how each person is actually capable of performing regardless of what extent it is.It's a time when you see what it means to b a student and what uni life is all about.Play play play and squeeze 1 semesters worth of info into 1-2 weeks time.SWOT Vac either becomes ur saviour or ur enemy(true bcos if u hav finished studying u dun wan the time to torture u to study more or even just to wait anxiously cos exam is stressful afterall).

But for what its worth, it's worth all the while.You work hard u get paid back.U laze around u fail thats all.It's not like in high school.Uni means serious,u develop urself prefesionally n personally.Knowledge counts as one,but beign able to meet deadlines and handling stress is also essential when u start working.And for those doing things like med,what u know or not know will kill or save lives.Life is made difficult for us on purpose not just bcos the best things in life dun come free but bcos of the responsibility that is being carried,be it a doctor,an engineer,a pilot or even a teacher.It's a responsibility of an adult.

I hope this year has been a decent year for most people although some of my frens n myself hav been having ups and downs throughout this yer but is an opportunity for growth.We learn from our experience don't we?

One of my fren called me the "examless guy" so i'm not gona say much to provoke or annoy anyone.But being examless and relaxed doesnt mean i'm not doing other things.Currently, to be able to play basketball competitively/socially and properly learning/mastering japanese has become the core of my life while I'm not so busy with my research work yet.It'll be a different yet irrelevant experience but it will help me grow in another unique way.It's somethign that I ahvent felt since high school or primary school perhaps,like when u r taugh to leanr ABC again...lolz

Anyway,back to the topic,after exams,u know u'll b rewarded with the long awaited holidays,the time of ur life, to do watever u want,4 u know it, it'll b right in front of u in no time.I personally like to do countdowns.....so...how many days left towards the end of torture?

Lastly,just wana wish u guys who r gona hav exams soon.Good luck and all the best.So long as u know u've tried ur best,thats enough.

"All you need to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you"(Lord of the Rings,The Return of the King)

And for those graduating soon,may u b blessed with a wonderful career and future. Opportunities await u. May we meet again in the near or distant future or maybe never ever again.Take care and goodbye!

Welcome to the Real World-Part 2: Unhealthy diets....an epidimic

Decided to change the title after posting it,adding it to one of my serieses.

It's really hard to find the right time to write post these days since I joined the basketball club...apart from my twice weekly trainings, I do my own practice,long or short,but almost every single day...plus my internet has been freakin slow lately....

Today I was just too lazy to cook so i decided to goto the kebab shop juz to get more high protein meal as usual to build up muscles after hours long of practice.But havin said that,there's only one thing I don't like about the kebab shop, which is the oiliness of the food....so much oil that i hav to throw my pita bread away cos its all soaked with oil but there's juz so much meat that my mouth got too tired from just munching meat.

Ppl who know me well would realised that I'm a diet freak...one day I'll hav this no food after 9pm rule..no drinks/fluids after 10pm rule and many more crazy stuff that ppl juz cant comprehend.And lately, my high protein diet and low fat diet to help my muscle developments and grow taller if possible?Sounds impossible but I think I just grew 2mm in the last few weeks....sound pathetic heh!

Anyways, to cope with my diet I started cooking proper food again just to live a healthy lifestyle eating yoghurts etc....n I've been spening like 5 pounds per meal on average...which is ridiculous cos its more expensive than eating out.A McD set meal would cost 3 pound 20p.....a KFC fully loaded meal is 4 pounds....doner kebab...2.80...quite cheap n lotsa meat...n many more....the reason why I spent so much cos my fridge is always loaded with organic food...healthy lifestyle I suppose..or at least hope.

But what i wana say here is that there are so many choices of food outlet chains and stores which sell reasonaly cheap food(by Uk standard)but they r mostly unhealthy.Food these days emphasise on high carbo, high fat,high salt....ppl know its not good but ppl buy it cos its convenient...or rather its cheap,its tasty(salty)....n ppl wana save trouble from washin dishes,cleaning up or they r simply too busy etc etc....thats just how much our society has changed.

Where were the days when mummy cooks porridge?(btw thats hig carbo,thats why asians r shorter)...the days where ppl dine properly with family....where were the days when ppl walk from town to town(abut unrealistic these days)...do u actually c ppl goin to the gym?is there even a need to even go jogging?NO...ppl simply hav moved around enough...done enuf hard labour ....they dun need to pay 60 pounds a month to go to the gym.Our society has changed.

If there's a day when I getrich enough to start a business,I'd probably start a food chain store...similar to Mc'D...but actually more like Subway...but with different emphasis...better if possbile....and to educate the ppl about the health and the kind of food they should eat....a place that not only caters for ppl's convenience but also their health....and hopefully with mass production....ppl dun hav to pay 5 pounds like I used to(but living standard might go up anyways say 20 yers later,lolz)....a place where teenagers can find the diet to aid their growth and mayb to reduce acne prob, a place where the middle age can b rest assured to eat without fearing hypertension,heart disease or high choesterol....a place where the ppl can still lose weight but still get to eat decent fulfilling meals....a place that promotes a healthy atmosphere
at an affordable price...this is what I wish for if i ever have the ability and money to do it in the future!

It's really sad to see ppl taking pills just to lower their colesterol level(e.g. statins,fibrates) or blood pressure(B-blockers,ACE inhibitors etc)....or ppl with diabetes....still drinking litres of juice every day(wtf??) but thats just how the world is...ppl r ignorant unless u tell them that they need to do the right thing...n even having said that...its not easy to change ones habit so easily....the population is getting bigger....with more food shortage worldwide....more obesity epidemic in the developed countries,more starvation in the 3rd world...more sick ppl....more deaths but even more being born at the same time.

The world is changing...more than ever...for better or for worse...u know it urself...only time can tell and PROVE!

Walk...stop...or walk...

Walk...stop...or walk...

I once saw a title of a graduation book with a title similar to this...it made me think back then...but now...I think I am starting to understand it a bit more...

Dun worry...this time I'm not whining...I'm just expressing my opinions...

Life is a cycle...full of repetitions...over and over again...u hardly know whether u r doing the right thing or not...sometimes u r...n u continue with similar intensity...n one day u realise u r numb....u r used to it...that's when u realised that u havent been moving afterall...u were merely walking in circles... u stopped movin forward....life is sometimes like climbing a hill...if u think goin up pressing at the accelerator...say its 60km/h now...but the higher u go....the steeper it is...n sooner or later that speed is not enough for u to ascend that fast anymore....worst still...u start goin down hill...cos u ran out of fuel...all the way to this abysmal...u cant break ur car....ur car runs wild...u disappear....into darkness...into nothingness......

Sometimes, u start off doing the wrong things anyway... u screwed up...u continue to do things in a nagative way...cos its even harder for someone to escape from vicious cycles...just when u thought u can break loose from them...the past comes back and haunt u again...how cruel...its like once a train goes off track,its hardly possible to get it back on track yea...worst still...it may tumble over...everyone in there injured or dies....

So whats, with this walkin thing?
Well sometimes in life we continually walk...we take different paths...literally u can say....I went to UK...or someone remains local....someone goes to somewhere physically away...or u can say its a decision....that one makes or chooses....sometimes u r like a traveller...an explorer navigating into the seas of unknown...one mistake may b fatal...one misfortune or natural disaster may just get u killed,amputated or scarred for life!And like an adventurous(or perhaps not so adventurous) u try to find the best way or the fastest way or watever it is that u r aiming for u travel n u need to make decisions on which path to take as each path leads to different paths....paths which sometimes may not even meet ever again...anyone who has read the poem "the road not taken" should clearly understood what I meant there...n juz like that sometimes u juz stop by along the journey of ur life,lookin back,reflecting on the past...reminscing memories of the past..what could hav happened "IF....IF....blah blah"...ppl also feel nostalgic of the past...especially good old times....fun times...happy moments....photos r good examples...cos MOST ppl usually take photos of them in their happiest moment...at the times where they look the best/handsome/pretty or watever...ppl hardly wan to take a photo showing them crying,falling etc....cos its painful when u think back rite?so why even bother to remind urself of the torture?

And as we walk through our lives and get older...we get more regrets as we've experienced more things and made more decisions.We have also matured and realised alot of realities in life,which are harsh.And one would wish that how good would it be if they were a kid again?Though we clearly know its impossible.

We all make mistakes in life, it depends on how we react after it...every sensible human,even a kid would know that they need to learn from their mistakes.It's just instinctive to make changes if things are not going in the right way of if u r not movin at all....then u better do something about it!It's instinctive but doing it is another thing.

Do u think u can nail down 3 pointers like Reggie Miller in cluth time?Well yea if u practice 500 3-pointers everyday...doesnt sound much...until u try it urself...ur muscles ache...u feel pain...its rinin outside...so u quit practising....n eventuallu u rivert to ur old self...n u might never ever climb up again...nor ever get to sink a shot during an actual game...nor would u even play any games after that...well u can also say...Miller retired...n 10 yers later i doubt he'll b as good..20 yers later wat can he do etc etc

Life is a journey,not a destination,but with stops in between, there's no goal, no end until u die perhaps?

It's the journey that matters,the experience that matters,what we've been through,who we are and who we were meant to be and who w really wanna be and how we truly hope to live our life?

Sometimes things are in our hands,sometimes its destiny...but also remember that u affect other ppl's life too.So do the right thing,for urself of course,but as much as possible think of others as well,not just those who u can c but also those u cant, and the future generations.

We are adults now!

Whoever we are...if we are sane...we might just walk and stop/pause ocasionally...looking back....n continue walking again...this journey of a lifetime...this journey called LIFE.

Another week flew by

Yet another week flew by just like that!

To those people in Melbourne, that's the end of holiday for you!4 weeks into SWOT Vac yea...n then the year will end!Just how fast life is moving on?

Well, for me,it's the same old routine,going to the lab and clinics without doing much.The only difference was probably the social aspect.Start seeing and getting to know more people of the same origin and of different origins too.Playing basketball as usual,realising that all my efforts practising by myself was not in vain but was neither enough to do well, as one would expect.But things can only get better huh?Dunno.Wish I was just like those high school kids in the animes where I get to attend club practices every day after school.How tough but how good would my skills be then if I'd be able to persevere through it!

















In a weeks time,I've managed to finish 2 seasons of Prince of Tennis Anime, but there's 5 more seasons to go...woahah....but its because Youtube is damn slow...loading a video sometimes takes up too much time than watching it...so troublesome...but its worth watching though!

My family will also be visitng me soon so i guess I'll be taking a short break real soon.We are actually going to Czech real soon so yay!Add 1 more country to my Eurotrip list!And there's more to come!Although previously, I'm ambitiously trying to cover as many country as possible but realy whats the point if you are not enjoying it?

If one tries to do too much, one would be diverting his already limited attention or concentration.Eventually we ar the ones causing our own downfall if we are too greedy.That's what I though through and I've decided not to push myself too hard.Well, this year is supposed to be a honeymoon year afterall.So I should try to get as much rest as possible while rediscovering myself and realising the essence of life and what exactly I need to focus more.
Thus, for teh time being,I'll not be touching badminton for a while.

I'm also going to start my Japanese class soon. Though it means more work for me but I guess its better than wasting time endlessly.I'll actually be startign from scratch since my current Jap knowledge is quite patchy and I've forgotten most of what Satomi sensei has taught me.So I guess strating to rebuild my foundation from scratch will make my basic stronger.80 hours of Jap class ahead in the next 6 months...this is gona be interesting!Hope it'll be good enough to survive in Japan if I really wanna go there next year!

Another week flew by, like the wind breeze blow past, you can't see it, but you can feel it......

Week 11 in summary halfway thru the semester

1.11am in the morning,Sunday 24th of Sept 2006,still awake,in front of the com screen typing out watever random stuff I felt like typing again.Yes i know that alot of ppl actualy abuse their blogs expressing their anguish and frustrations and I myslef am no exception,haha, wat a world this is.

Well, today my intrnet suddenly went off in the afternoon and I practically had nothing to do, so I went to play basketball again for abt 2 hours...am still thinkin of which basketball club I should be joining....quite a hard decision if u ask me...should I even be joining it in the 1st place?

My fren reminded me,to try and concentrate and do 1 sport at a time, its very true of him.I reckon I'm a person whois very good at giving up ever since i was small.I've tried so many things b4 but I never master even a single one of them, namely, swimming, basketball, bowling, tennis, badminton, ping pong, calligraphy,art, guitar and so much more.And i always blame my parents for not givin me the chance to learn music instruments,if not my life now would hav been much better. That might be partially true due to my lack of talent and coordination even though I "suposedly should" have the genes but yea when u dun reach a certain level in a define time u sure get discouraged and here I am today still derectionless and still givin up so easily cos i dun think its fair for some if not most ppl who dvlp their skills so much more faster than I with the same amount of time,but yea,the world is not fair and it aint the 1st day that i know this fact but i still repeat my mistakes, i truly know there's only 1 way to stop this vicious cycle thats is only my sheer determination and nothing else but to get that determination is not easy.

Anyway,I think I'll be signing up for Jap classes in uni afterall.It'll b a 4 hour class per wk and hopefully that's a decent preparation for me to goto jap nex yer if all goes smooth.Initially goin to class is an issue bcos i really wanted to get a part time permanently....but seems taht most of my applications,enquiries and interviews din go as smooth as i planned...well at least the outcomes were negative...except becoming an exam invigilator which will take up my normal research hours so i decided that if i cant get the starbucks job i'll completely stop lookin for new jobs.I think it's better to use it to dvlp my basketball skills and spend more time on language...afterall i dun wan my ams yer to be too hectic.

This week, one of my fren in the lab turned 30.So wish her happy B'day!!!And thanks for the dinner.Speaking of which, it was one of the weirdest dinners i've ever had.Well, weird in a sense that i din feel very comfortable.Why?Cos i'm the only asian there,and apart from another fren's neice,i'm pretty sure the others were in the range of 25-35 of age. Also, there's like a Brazilian, 2 Czechslovakians (or watever u call them), 2 english (I beliv) and the others are all italianos.I felt so out of place and very hard to mix into the corwd though during the meal i somehow manage to talk to some of her frens since there was some common topics...but that requires them to hav some knowledge of asian culture and religions plus their willingness to listen to me speaking.But thru all this,i realised how lacking i am in terms of my social skills and knowledge.I guess the more u dun go out and talk to other ppl or get exposure the more u'll b left out and feel useless cos everyone is movin forward while u still stand there or merely walking.Sometimes i blame the environment(which is justifiable) but partly its bcos my myself.So I took the effort the nex day to talk to an Italian chic while walkin to the city and later talked to another american girl who was competing with me for a job position and even treated her bubble tea but haha deep down i know i'm gona loose the job opp bcos her n in fact i did....yes i did talk to them but i know that probably is the last time ever i'll ever even c them again...i wish i was better at expressing myself but i suppose there r juz things that u cant change...at least not easy.

To be honest,I dun really like weekends nowdays.It 's good to b able to get some rest but its boring as ever.Mayb its bcos i cant find the right person to connect to,to hang out with and to hav fun together.I really hate weekends,n nobody seems to understand that...perhaps yea like some guy said this b4...if one is able to survive thru solitude then one will gain the strength to bcome stronger huh...perhaps thats true but juz the process itself is killing u huh.I did a personality test n its really quite accurate...n the prob with me is bcos i lack the ability to finely express myself or charm thats why i'm juz an ordinary nice guy who can hav many frens but no soul mates.Yea and i'm glad that at least thur these yers in melb i was glad that i found a few of them who supprted me thru thick n thin.Domo arigato.

Leavin aus n comin to uk is my decision as i've sacrificed alot along the way and would probably hav sacrificed more if i din come,thats wat i tot. It's a yer of reflection and it made me realise alot of things that i long forgotten in the yers that hav passed by.Yes i am pathetic and if god exist ,he/she hasnt treated me that nicely all this while....but to me...it doesnt matter to me anymore...i'm juz tired n sick of it for the time being....cos whenever i found courage n reason...obstacles come n knock me down hard...as if they enjoy watching u fall n fall again...but yea life is not easy afterall...its a journey rite....there'sno destination...they r merely stops in between.

I dun expect anyone to comprehend wat i'm blabbing, in fact i dun expect anyone to read my blig these days since its been clouded by such -ve auras. But i'd juz like to say this to whoever it is, if u enjoy watchin me fall, if u r gona bring me down then giv it a try! Bring it on!
One day,eventually, i'll b regaining my composure and come bck,juz like how i used to be!

"That's why I'm here.I am everyone else ...too." (HNG ch 189)

Perhaps a bit different.



P.S.
For those lucky buggers in melb, happy hols,enjoy ur trip whever it may b or enjoy rotting at home.Man, 11wks down, 27 more to go huh.

A Walk to Remember!

This is my 10th post!Hurray!

Anyway, I was supposed to write smth on this title a few weeks back when I still had the exact emotion to write it...it's a bit late but I'll write it anyway.

Basically I was bored so I was on a movie marathon for the weekend...watchin movies that I haven't watch while I was a teenager(btw,Mandy's my age)...so I guess I really missed out alot of stuff while I was in high school after my sister left...so here at last I'm watchin this movie.

What do I think abt it?Yes, life is FCUKed up...things dun go smooth...reality is harsh...n obviously it's hard to push thru and survive in the way u wan to live ur life.

In an ideal world,everyone wants a wonderful life, they want the love of their life,they want to b cherished,respected,attractive,talented,rich(for some ppl...i think no one minds to hav some extra money rite?)good lookin,smart...u name it ...u got it....but unfortunately an ideal world never existed...I supposed the most gifted person has things that he/she has to sturggle to obtain wat they wan....but sometimes juz bcos they r more gifted...they tend to ask for more cos they think they deserve it....for ppl who r lesser they might ask for less but they would still be "deprived" of certain things that they wan in life...Life is unfair afterall isnt it?SO is there really GOD in this world...this I can't answer u!

In a walk to remember,Mandy Moore plays a "Geeeky" gal whois supposedly quite gifted...well she performs academically...sings well (duh) and quite pretty if she actually dresses up properly instead of waering that aunty style sweater!

But u know wat,she has leukemia,which is cancer of the white blood cell when she's a teen and her mum's dead...treatment doesnt work for her anymore...but she still fights for her life...well as in she still lives a purposeful life helpin other ppl etc...worst of all...she was deeply in love knowing that she has a deadly disease.

Her bf who was a delinquent/but one of the cool guys around high school...u know they like to play this kinda popularity issue stuff in US high school...changed alot due to her influence...endured thur hardship for the betterment...knowing that his gf has a deadly disease is seriouslu heartbreaking but the only thing he could do is to make her wish come true, make her a miracle.Glancing in the air with shooting stars, he proposed and they got married even if it was only for a few months b4 she passed away.He loved her,she loved him as much too.

Miracles exist sometimes,but sometimes u create the miracles with ur bare hand.I always think that if there exist GOD and refuses to help u...u somehow gota help urself...this is wat i truly believe in ...but sometimes the environment n "fate" doesnt allow it!I mean it!They get in ur way.Giv u a good yet stupid example...half the time when i'm resolved to do some changes when I feel good..somehow I'll get stomach ache...bloody hell man!!!As if it's done o purpose!Like I deserved to b a loser all the time.Whenever I'm abt to improve somehow smth gona come block my way.Isit very fun to c me suffer?Isit so fun to watch other ppl's downfall.Yea mayb its juz to test ur strength n make u stronger but hey giv me some credit ok...its not fun to get rejected everytime...like whenever u try to shoot a ball,u get blocked shot by other players or mayb a foul call from the referee n therefore the basket that u scored was not counted,man it juz pisses ppl off u know!

Life is an endless road...sometimes with no goal...its a lifelong commitment and therefore the winners are ppl who are talented or ppl who persevere until the very end.Obviously the former is easier cos everythin is already given to them,like spoon feed.But even if u r the latter i think u need a goal to move forward to.Once upon a time I used to have that kind of quality and determination due to the motivation I posses.But times change and the world hasnt been exactly kind to me...or mayb its juz me givin up too easily.

In the last few days I was thinkin back the time in 1995/1996 the times where my alot of my memories reside, things that could be done and things that could have been better along the way...but life has its imperfction afterall.

I also believe that its better to start to have a new beggining from now to have the kinda ending that u wan...but sometimes its juz hard to do when u lack of support afterall one human soul aint strong enuf,thats why ppl cluster together, thats why ppl need to hav a motivation in mind,smth to focus on..a talent or skill to dvlp on or devotion or belief.And I guess for Mandy,religion was the thing that pushed her forward regardless of how gloomy her situation was.

I suppose in real life ppl like that actually exist too,and stories like that do exist...there r always nice ppl around though its so much less compared to crap ppl but thats juz how this world...obviously some of us never get to meet the nice ppl that we yearn to meet somewhere in this world n thats why there's so many shows outside,so many animes,novels portraying the ideal world which ppl look forward to but will never ever get in their life!

Do miracles exist in life?Yes they do but its very rare.And its even harder to create them with ur bare hands.And obviously u cant create any if u clearly know that u r not in the best condition to create that.

Everyday i picture myself walking down this endless road called life,hoping that I see a familiar shadow in front that motivates me to run forward, to run towards the goal, at least u hav smth to hope for.

In this game called life,only the best of the best wins.Sure u need luck to hit the buzzer beater or mayb the opponents havin a bad day...or u got skills go team chemistry....someones shooting is on fire etc...multiple factors.But clearly not everyone can be a winner.And even if u win the game...u might start to think...so wats next?

"Perfection is achieved not when there's nothing to add, but when there's nothing to be removed"How true is that?It's bcos u r partially ignoring some aspects which u could hav added,aint that rite?

Perfection is almost non existent in this world!!!

Man i guess I went off topic,haha dunno wat i'm talkin abt now,that probably explains the flow of my thoughts at the moment,HAYWIRE!!!

10 things to do before AMS ends

Recently I've really been bothered and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things that I have to do and accomplish. Well to be precise, it's doing things that I "force" myself to achieve at least by the end of AMS in May next year...seriously I'm lookin for trouble, ain't I?

1)RESEARCH-well, that's why I'm here in the 1st place n it'd b foolish if I dun concentrate on it.But there's so little that u can do in the initial stage and ppl often hav to rush to meet deadlines at the end...sadly thats juz how things work...wondering how things would b if i plan to end it early...n shit, i havent even had proper research methods training on statistics yet....dang!Hav to read up those biostats book by myself...this is bad...if i dun fix this soon...its really meaningless to read journals and do lit reviews cos i dunno wat the articles r talkin abt...oh man.....

2)PART TIME JOB-I'm really pissed off lately with this issue...although i hav a casual job as an interpreter,its too tiring since i spent half the time travellin to the hospital n in the end i get paid for only 1.5 hour...n sometimes i dun even get any shifts at all for the whole week...wat i earn in a month is probably wat other ppl earn in a wk plus it takes up my research time randomly,how inconvenient...wanted to look for smth in the weekend...stupid sushi shop accepted me n suddenly "release aeroplane"....stupid office work for not callin me up for interview yet...n starbucks, I'm still waitin for ur call n givin me the right shift!!!...n stupid Bar,for not acceptin honest ppl like me who doesn't hav much experience in operating cash machine...but at least I'm tellin u the truth ok?

3)MEDICINE-Well I had this plan of revising wat I hav learnt in the past 2.5 years in med school(stuff that i hav 4goten)but I only had the patience to read half a book on respiratory medicine...if i go with my initial plannin i should hav finish 3 modules by now...well some might say why bother study med again since u'll 4get it n u know it takes up alot of time...but honestly i dun wana feel stupid for not understanding n remembering the basics...i'll juz embarass myself in clinical school n in the clinics that i'm attending now every wk(when i can't answer wat the professor asks me abt)

4)TRAVEL-That's supposedly the main reason I came to UK, for FUN!!!But travellin is always tiring...but i've finishd 3 countries so there's at least 7-9 more to go...muz really arrange my time wisely...it's juz not nice to ask my prof for leave so often,geez....plus the seasons gettin cold now...not the best time to go travellin!Make it worse if i hav other commitment like part time job!

5)SPORTS-Well been trying reall hard to go play basketball everywk,but unlike u Kee Hong, I dun hav access to b'ball court right in front of me like in IH,its 5-10 min away, a childrens outdoor playgorund n its on tars....n its only open on wkdays n available to the public after 5.30pm plus they hav to lock it...the guy said i can climb in n play in wkends since its not open but apparently there was an arson on one of the sundays which they burn down the building...hmmm guess i dun really wana climb the wall n get caught...also its really hard to keep up with the 3 pool games/per day...when I get busy i juz get lazyyyyy

6)LANGUAGE-Well, been tryin desperately to learn jap in the last 2 yers for no reason...for the sake of watchin anime n readin manga understanding jap songs etc. also in preparaion for my jap visit,hopefully sometime b4 i graduate,r those reasons good enuf?i duno cos u know u need lotsa effort to properly learn a language n maintain it,if not it'd go to waste....also it would not only compromise my travel timing since there's class every wk but also there r final exam etc...geez...should I?n for wat?

7)FOCUS-Hmm this should really b at the top of the list...anyways realise the reason i've been performin poorly these yers due to my lack of concentration...i get easily distracted ....day dream in class....sleep in the clinics n lectures....take 3 hours to read a freakin article....man i should really find a way to regain my concentratio but how?

8)RELIGION-well thats sorta answers part of the question above...was considering if meditation would help me do better,like calmin my mind etc. i'm lazy bum who claims to b a half buddhist n half free thinker so i find it so difficult to convince myself to goto temple here...well even when i get there i din really do much...there wasnt much to do anyway, i think

9)ENTERTAINMENT-well wanted to watch musicals/theatres but trying to look for ppl who wana watch n plannin on wat to watch...cos it aint cheap...also...wana finish heaps to tv series...there's juz too many in the list...HOUSE,Gray's anatomy,prison break,OC,one tree hill etc...n of course my wkly dying crave for BLEACH n NARUTO manga....

10)SOCIAL-well this has been quite a prob really considering that in the last 2 months it was summer hols n the residence halls is practically empty apart from a few "old" research students(except me)...well hope things get better since more n more ppl r comin back but really the UK halls hav less frenlu environment compared to Aus...i mean everythin is so segragated unless u really put in lotsa effort,no guarantee that it would help but yea at least u try...geez...been tryin to extend social network n try to find ppl who wana play basketball together etc etc. guess it's not so easy huh since most ppl here r in their 4th of 5th yer at least...its juz like the situation in IH where the seniors dun exactly need to know freshers since they already hav their own click anyway...


Hmmmm seeem like there r juz too many agendas ahead....man i sure hope things settle down real soon...sun wana walk around for 3 hours lookin for job again or wait for 2 wks for ppl to caall u up for interview...its so hard to focus n do things cos everythin is so uncertain...its even harder when i'm not exactly in the best mental state to fully focus on wat i need to do...everythin is too scattered...plus i'm the kinda person who gives up easily...well at least in my current state...sighz ...wat to do...

Eurotrip: 2nd stop: Belgium (Brussels & Antwerp) ; 3rd Stop: Netherlands (Amsterdam & Rotterdam)

Paid 10 Euro to get a visit and 3 Heineken fresh from the tab huh...quite good!




















Bridge in Rotterdam (dunno the name)
















Cubic Houses in Rotterdam.




















Red Light District in Amsterdam (and NO I did NOT try!!!)
















Wohohoh, so many chocs yummy...n yes I ate em and my throat soars a bit now!




2 months into UK, the gateway to Europe, and traversing unknown terrains,places where I used to yearn to go, observe its cultures, learn from the ppl, broaden my horizons, an experience of a lifetime!....gets abit boring sometimes really and tiring.....zzzzz.......


In honesty, this is by far the most HAPPENING trip, u know why?
1st off, after the UK terror alert abt 2 wks ago, airport security check was really tight....n they make u take off shoes etc etc....so mafan....then we happily fly to our destination....n when one of my travel mates was being questioned by the immigration officer (cos they think he might b a terrorist????hmmmmm) No, not really....the main prob is we were supposed to b there for the weekends n fly back on the 28 AUG but somehow my fren booked the wrong month!!! 28 of Sept instead...so when he told the immigration officer that he'd b in Belgium for only the weekend really sounds fishy.....hmmmm.....

Then yea we proceeded to luggage collection....due to terror alert again...everyone was forced to check in their luggages in London...so we hav to wait for the luggages to come out...we waited...n waited....n waited....n waited...n waited.....crap......another fren's luggage was missing.....apparently 20,000 luggages were held back in London....security reasons again?sighz.....wat a waste of time.....so we had to go settle for lugggage missing report n also to change our flight dates

But those bummers from the airlines would actually charge u like hell if u change the tix at the counter n a 30 pound penalty for changing tix.....as if i'm dumb enuf to pay them for the stupid penalty charge....i mean come on...buyin a new tix is evn cheaper lar.......heh.....airlines these days r hopeless......

Ok back to the actual trip...Belgium I guess is mostly abt chocolate as most of u will know....n yes of course i eat them n that is why i am suffering from soar throat now....from ice cream,drinks,pancake to a gazallion thingys...its all filled with chocolate n they really tatse good leh.....n oh apparently the Belgians cook some of their dishes with BEER as te sauce?hmmm....

So much for the food.....we went to Amsterdam...wohooo...party city....n NO i did NOT try any of those stuff in the Red Light Distrcit!!!!U c the chics( erm not really...some r quite...not so nice to c) n half-chics (u know wat i mean rite?the fake ones)....but the Green Light District....hmmm... Brownies actually taste pretty good....I mean the muffin itself n not the drugs!

Geez,this trip is really tiring and on the last day I hav almost nothin left in my wallet....and I only manage to get anythin down my stomach at abt 2300.....n b4 that i only had breakky at 10...geez starved like hell.....oh btw ....I had diarrhoea on my 1st day...dunno why....seems like everyone was havin some bad luck on the 1st day....n yes we got the luggage back n we bought new tix to fly back to UK....no one is so dumb to pay the penalty to change date lar...if the airlines insist to earn money like that then i can tell them...that they r not much better than no frills airlines with all the delays n errors that happen

Anyway,I only posted a few pics not that interesting really...cos most of da pics r with another guy but yea guess that'll do for now....ah....3 down....n haps more to go....man feel a bit sick now...wana rest...zzzz.........zzzz.....

The sakabatō

The sakabatō , a special weapon used by the Hiten-Mitsurugi-Ryu master, Himura Kenshin, a.k.a Rurouni Kenshin or the Former Hitokiri Battousai . Unlike a normal japanese katana, the sakabatō has its sharp cutting edge curved inwards while the blunt edge is out. So basically he attacks with the blunt edge an not the sharp one. This forms part of his vows to not kill anyone ever again.


One might judge the uselessness of a reverse edge sword bcos u cant really cut anythin. But it is also true that if u posses real strength u can cut through anything. It is the heart that counts, it is the spirit of ur fight (ken-ki) that counts,it is the feeling that u put into the sword that counts. It is these intense feelings and emotions that u entrust u sword with brings u great strength. The will to believe and still think of the next step although beaten, the will to believe in urself will become the strength to overcome fate. If u dun believe in anythin, u might as well dun do anythin at all.

Everyone has their own potential, regardless of how limited it is. Thus, not everyone who wields the same sword posses the same level of power. It depends on how much talent one has & how much one puts in effort and heart in practising. But if u juz stand there and do nothing at all, ur level of skills would not juz b stagnant but also dropping. It is often bcos of this that many ppl struggle against the flow of life...to work hard...to improve...juz for that specific magical moment...watever that is...to hit a buzzer beater or score a golden goal when the clock winds down...all for the second of glory and fame...where history witnesses ur seccess...temporarily...

The sakabatō is not juz a mere fighting tool, but also a tool that has been entrusted to fight for the sake of humans (well, at least in the story). It is not meant to kill, but to protect the happiness of people who need help, whom u can c as well. Afterall, we ain't God nor a saint, but juz a mere human being like anyone else. That's why, even as strong as this sword is, it still needs a sheath, to make it complete. The sheath is a cover for the sword.Something that protects it, from the wind,dust,rain,snow etc etc. Cos no matter how strong a sword is, its a metal and it can slowly corrode and waste away if not proper care or attention is given. Even the mightiest of all swords can't defeat that.That's why every sword needs a sheath.

In his hands holds one of the strongest sword, cutting thru countless enemies without killing them to atone for his sins.To protect the happiness of ppl whom he can see in this new ere.And regardless of how cold the weather might be outside, he'll continue fighting,no matter how hard it is.For wats sake one might ask...perhaps to protect the his happiness and the ppl who r dear to him...or mayb it's this:

John Steinbeck once wrote, ‘It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure on the world.’

And I suppose it makes perfect sense...while not juz our death is unbearable, seeing some other ppl suffering and die is also unbearable too.

So, if this sakabatō of mine can protect the happiness of other ppl, the wielder should try his best to cut open a road and breakaway...for the sake of the people...if one that wields the strength understands the pain of loss and sorrow...one should hav good reasons to try to protect the happiness of others who r drowining in this world filled with endless cycles of suffering and chaos.


Sometimes its really pointless struggling to fight through, fighting endless battles and find urself severely wounded and exhausted. But no matter how tiring it is, if u dun move on, u can never find the sheath u r lookin for, if u juz stay and stand there 4ever...saying that i'll start fighting after I find the sheath...then I'll start my journey.

Life is a process of search and discovery...pretty much like mavigating in the seemingly endless ocean with sharks,waves and thunderstorms awaiting for u...even if u c a land from afar...it is no guarantee that the inhabitants and natives would b frenly or hostile towards u...but until u reach a land where u find wat u wan...u pretty much hav no choice but to move on...

Today,I'll wield this sakabatō of mine in search for the answer and for the sheath I'm looking for...and cut through any obstructions and hindrance along the way...to clear a path that leads to light...

For every journey is a beginning and not an end

For today is the beginning of always...

When the going gets tough......

When the going gets tough......it usually gets worse...and it feels as of u r getting cursed...but one thing is for sure...make sure u urself dun make it worse!

Life is always full of adversity adn challenges.Every single day we struggle to survive, we try our best to overcome the adversities and more often than not we cope fairly with it while others rise to the top.That's how we define those as success or failure...winners or losers.But life is certainly not always fair as different people posses different capabilites and potential. Of course the encounters and experiences differs between different individuals.On top of that, the way a person copes with a problem varies too, depending on the past experience and exposure of the person, whether it's restricted to the surroundings or as broad as the world.Because these are the few important factors that would determine the resources or attitude which one would use to face the situation.

When u think of those super heroes in those comics like Superman or in manga/anime like Naruto or Dragon Ball....it's usually very unrealisitic. Although these ppl were put in dire situations, they somehow manage to overcome it with some humongous and indredible strength...n u'll go like...wat the hell??!?! Where did he get all that strength from?

I'm not a big fan of Spiderman but I think it is far more realistic. For once, a hero is depicted as someone who is kinda poor (unlike our Batman), not an alien (where u hav some genetically more superior trait than our humble humans). Yes, spiderman's power is so much more limited compared to the rest. They always say in the show, with great powers comes great responsibility. And np matter how harsh the situation is he'd still have to try his utmost best to fight watever enemies he's facing...be it some monster,his best fren or even he himself (go watch Spiderman 3 when it comes out this yer). Things are never easy, and no matter what critical situation u r facing....no matter how much support u r lacking... u still need to do it.But for what sake?Afterall, u r juz a mere human.

There are times in life when u hav to stand up by urself when u fall down.U might try to climb up and realise that u've juz made urself roll down the staircase.Big deal and u start crying and whining that why GOD won't make life easier for u?Isit bcos there's no GOD in this world or bcos GOD gave this task to test u.That I dunno, and I suppose no one would hav a DEFINITE answer to that.But 1 thing is for sure, if u dun help urself no one will b able to help u...if u dun love urself no one would luv u...if u dun beliv in urself no one would beliv in u......but it is also true that when the going gets tough n one still continues to go down hill...it really pisses ppl off...it ripps them of their hopes and shadows them in the darkness. Ppl lost faith in this world and get stuck in eternal darkness.

There are times in life where u need to learn how to stand up once again, even if no one is giving u a helping hand, no one is there to pull u up...to giv u a lolly pop if u r crying from the pain due to the fall.Sometimes u juz gota pick urself up n start walking once again.Hopefully,someday somewhere,somehow u'll find ur way out again.One day u'll reach the path when the sun shines gently upon u n the wind breezes upon ur face.And if that never happens, then I really dunno how to answer u...cos it does happen sometimes but I suppose if u can read this blog u should b at least so much more well off compared to alot ppl who dun even hav internet access or r still probably starving in poverty.

A tarnslated line from the song from the series reads:

"Why does the past destroy even the wornout heart that shines...melancholically fleeting thoughts on this tragedy night"

Sometimes I believe that there r times in our life when seriously shit ass happens on us...to the extent where we can never 4get about it...it's when it's so painful that one starts to regret things that they did in the past and start saying "I wish I had/hadn't done this or that"...or "when I think of the past It feels like I wana stay here forever" (Hatake Kakashi, Naruto Eps 80)

But really wats the whole point of residing in the past...u start wondering...why r u alive???

Why is life so difficult?What is wrong with me?What the hell am I doin?Why?Why?

But I do know that at present when the going gets tough make sure u dun make it any worse for urself, dun torture urself with unnecessary negative thoughts that would even kill ur life....at least the quality of it...whether u r goin to heaven or hell or whether u hav an afterlife doesn't really matter at all really bcos there's 1 thing u know for sure...that is...

YOU ARE ALIVE NOW AT THIS VERY MOMENT...SO LIVE THE BEST OUT OF IT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE...IT'S NOW OR NEVER!!!

No Pain no gain

And

No regrets in life

The journey continues......

Eurotrip: 1st stop: Ireland (Dublin)

Poser in front of Trinity College Dublin

Keats & I standing at xxxxxx river??

Kevin & I Acting Cute in Christchurch


Destination Europe here I come!!!

Honestly, I got bored with London after a while...things r quite repetitive and routined and I've pretty much been to most of the "touristy" attractions in good old London so even it's only been a month since I got here, I think it's not really too early to start travelling.

I was really looking forward to this trip bcos I'll be meeting 2 of my high school frens from Penang whom I havent seen them for at least 2 yers! My fren Kevin from Edinburgh flew to meet me and Keats (the guy who stays in Dublin)....by the time we met each other in the airport its already 12am midnite.....phew thats wat u get for taking cheap airlines!

Well Ireland is juzzz alrite really...the most distinctive landmark they have there is smth called Spire...juz like bar/tiang(malay) in the middle of the city ....its really nothin great...n wat else...hmm they hav smth called "Luas" which is like trams in Melb...n the word is pronounced as "Loo Wee" ok? Dun pronounce in malay n no it doesn't mean "surface area"!!!!

Of course the most important and distinctive thing in Ireland is ALCOHOL...if u r in Melb n u havent heard of St Patrick's day then mayb u should ....hmmm...get out of ur room n go out more ofen?? Anyway, Ireland is juz famous for its alcohol/pub culture...its really crazy..the nly thing that they do is Drink Drink n more Drink....the hang out places r all pubs clubs etc etc....u can even order Irish coffee(which contains alcohol duh!) in the bars but NOT the cafes! Of course, Guinness is an Irish company.We visited the storehouse n its really awesome....we even got a pint of Guinness Draught each...ermmm but we had to pay for the entrance fee eheheh.

Well Irelands like that...nothing spectacular really though there were some festivals goin on but they aint that great.

But the best par of the trip is definitely being able to spend time with frens whom I haven't seen for ages n its really nice to b able to chat with them n also realise how time realy flies n how each of us hav changed in our respective ways....there's 1 thing in common....we all hav pretty good/nice/decent sense of fashion....well juz in case u disagree with wat I said....

Well, this is the 1st but defnitely not the last stop! Whats the next stop?Hmmm back to work tomorrow!!!

Welcome to the Real World - Part 1

So much for the simplicity last weekend...this week is really hectic...so many stuff to do...but it also reminds me of how the real world works

As a student, we r constantly indulge in our comfort zone...thus ignoring & ignorant of the things that happen outside our zone of presence...so if the things dun concern me... i dun think i'll know abt it...u'll probably say:"like I giv a damn to smth that does not concern me"...or "u think I'm very free izit??"

Honestly, if u r still in uni, u r probably unaware of alot of things...ignorant that is...well even if we r aware of the existnce of certain things...if w dun experience them ourselves we won't know exactly how its like....

Well today was really a killer day...had to wake up early in the morning n attend a last minute scheduled part time work...doin some translation thing in hospitals for patients...well 1st time doin smth like that sure is scary...once i walk into the wards...I c how its like in this community....though I've been doin med for the last 2.5 yers...I guess I haven't seen places that are severely in need of help...not to mention how things r much worst in places where poverty r much more prevalent...juz imagine how horrible things would look....well back to my translation thing...it reminds me of things like legal responsibility...it reminds u of how important ur job is...if u r careless in wat u say or do...who knows wat kinda trouble u'll get into...dun play a fool with LAW!!!U juz cant afford to b careless even for a while...u might kill urself!

Life is definitely not as simple as u think it would b...thats why the older u get the more u wana shout out loud :"I wish I was a kid again!".....Well,everybody wants to b a baby...free of worries and being taken care of!

Oh btw, there will b more of the "Welcome to the Real World" series comin up...whenever I encounter smth REALISTIC as an ADULT in this society and world we live in.

Simple Life

Life has been very routined this week, the same old wake up and go to work routine has been quite repetitive and clinic sessions are staring to get abit boring...gosh...almost fell asleep in one....there was also this afternoon when it was so dang hot that I have to study in Starbucks...but it was nice...oh did i tell u guys this?...in London u can c starbucks almost everywhere...in some places...there might be 3 on the same street...juz walk 50 steps n u'll reach the nex one...i bet there's at least 100 shops in london alone!!!

Anyway, was supposed to start training this weekend for my potential part time job in a jap restaurant but the chef din call me...so I decided to goto Greenwich. It takes about 40 mins to get there from where I live and Greenwich is really very peaceful n nice place to spend a day in.You can stand at the pier enjoying the refershing sea breeze...erm i mean RIVER breeze....n u can goto the Greenwich park, watch the people around you havin fun....climb up a small hilly slope and u'r at the Royal Observatory...thats where the Prime Meridein time thingy starts!...It's nothin that great really-_-;;

It's nothin really taht special but sometimes it's juz nice to leave the bustling hectic city centre and go out somewhere, take a deep breath of a refresing air and let the wind blow upon your face.It is indeed very sotthing and relaxing. Simplicity in life is the best...at times ^_^

AEIOU

Aimless- Why am I alive...Not knowing who I am, who I was nor who I really wanna be...what I wan in life and things I look forward too...it is sad to be in this motivationless state where u know a strong will and motivation is exactly what I need to make a difference in this world


Emptiness- How sad it is to not to feel anythin at all....its one of the most painful thing in life but dunno why...I'm still emotionless....juz like an empty trash can along the road...it's as if...nothing matters anymore in my life....I know that's not true...but I seriously feel nothin now....u call that NUMB...I dunno wat makes me happy anymore....even clubbing nor travelling....doin those stuff juz makes me feel normal....like any other day


Isolated- From this world...almost completely...this society that is still quite ALIEN to me...it feels that I dun really belong here....it felt as if I was back to square one...like how things used to be when I was in Trinity...being alone in my room ...doin watever stuff I'm doin...in this foreign place...so hot (the weather)...yet so cold (inside)....


Overwhelming- With the workload? Not really ....but overwhlemed with what's expected of myself...AMS deadlines and supervisor expectations r things that will come eventually...but its supposed to b relaxin now...yet I still try to push myself to get smth out of this yer...be it my target to finish touring a dozen Euro countries...revising & strengthening my medical knowledge that I haven't properly learnt in the last 2 years....and trying to do partime jobs in weekends for watever reason....I juz feel that somehow I gotta get smth out of this yer....it's an experience of a lifetime afterall


Uncertainty- With wats goin on around me...its partially out of control...things juz happen npass by...but all I can do is juz to stare blank;y n dumbly like a donkey...mouth agape...I seriously dunno anything anymore...watever it is that I am doing....everynite is juz watchin One Tree Hill or playin pool....then wake up wonderin wats gonna happen today...for watever it is..it doesn't matter really....cos nothin interest me anymore...I dun feel anythin at all...n I duuno why...I am juz like a ZOMBIE

The Journey Begins

It's almost 10 days since I have arrived in the UK for the very 1st time in my life.Time really flies and I can't believe that I've alreadt finished my Pre-clinical semesters in Medicine a month ago.All this while,for thoso who know me very well, you know that it's always been my dream to go overseas for AMS and now that I'm finally there,I honestly dunno what exactly to do.No, it's not exactly a crossroad thatI'm facing...it's an unknown territory...welcome to the real world!

Well just going back to my supershort 3 weeks holiday in Penang...it was crap...really...it's not exactly the worst...but it kinda feels like a curse...I call it the "Cursed Tuesday"

1st Tuesday(13/06/06)-My guitar was broken during my flight from Melb to PG....I was on SIA/SQ...n shit they refuse to compensate....not even a single cent!

2nd Tuesday(20/06/06)-Decided to go out after a boring weekend at home...guess what...just when I was less than 500m away from the shopping complex....a stupid transportation truck crashed into me...claiming that he din c me wor...jack ass....then I hav to deal with the stupid police reporting n insurance claiming blah blah blah....both of which pissed me off real bad...spoilt my holiday mood really!

3rd Tuesday(27/06/06)-Well well...I was really prayin hard that nothing bad happens...but I know for sure that the result of my clinical school's gona come out today...n watever Hospital I get allocated today...it would sorta be where I'll be spending most of my time in when I get back from UK to complete my Med degree....guess what...I got allocated to my LAST choice....this is bullshit man...what kinda luck is that...though I admit my results aren't that great...but man...givin u ur last choice makes u "beh syok" only...btw its a hokkien!

Oh and apart from those cursed events on Tuesday...I also had allergic conjunctivitis during my 2nd week back home...dunno why...guess I rubbed my eyes too much...that's why I hate gin abck home....it's too dusty ...too easy to get allergies...ah chooo!


Then off I went to UK...arrived at Heathrow airport in London in the evening...took a tube and change stations a few times until I got to my cousin's fren's home...with my 48kg worth of luggages...n guess what ...there's no lift ...and I hav to carry my stupid luggages by raw power....argg..back ache!

Then the next day...shifted again to the hall of residence where I'm supposed to stay in permanently...so have to shift the 48kgs again...damn....and guess what...the lady in charge of the hall said :"u'll hav to move again at the end of this month cozzzz someones still stayin in ur room....so take another room 1st n shift again later." But fortunately this time there's a lift n its only one floor up...and not like 10 tube stations away!

Oh and also when I travelled around London...I got lost a few times...spent 2 hours lookin for a grocery shop but din find it..ended up in some tourist ayttraction that I've already been to.....oh one more....I was pulled in by a street performer together with 3 other ppl (from Manchester,LA & Germany) to do some stupid cheap ass dancing on the street with some stupid acts as well...blek! -_-;;


Oh well, I guess life in a new country isn't easy at hall...once u get out of ur comfort zone...u sometimes feel very very out of control,nervous,anxious,lost......etc etc....but no matter how it is....there ain't no turnin back....n no this is not teh beginning of the end....but rather this just the end of a new beginning.

It's about time to stand up once again & time to start afresh...a journey of a lifetime...

This is the start of the path of a Rurouni......Aza Aza Fighting! (wat the??!?!?)